Say Yes

“Can you do this for me?”

“Yes, I can.”

I shouldn’t, but I feel I can’t say no.

So I balance a tray on my shoulder, watching as water spills out of cups and fries fall off plates. My shoulder is sore and my wrist is aching. I can’t balance it all.

I'm tired. But I can't drop anything, because it's everything.

I deliver the fries, but when I’m done, my hand falls off.

I deliver the water, but when I’m done, my arm falls off.

So when I’m done giving people what they need, I look down at where my limbs used to be.

I ask myself, “If it was everything, why am I left with nothing?”

Giving pieces of myself away for a quick “thank you” or smile is fine until I’m the one left behind closed doors crying.

The short bursts of gratitude can’t sustain the life I want to live.

So I let go. I say no. And as the word leaves my mouth, the world doesn't crash and burn. It continues to turn.

Because saying no doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you selfish or careless.

Each time you say no, you're building a shield to protect yourself from things you know you can't handle.

And that’s okay. Because we're all walking through life, deciding what to carry on our trays.

But remember if your tray is too full, you can save it for another day, or simply say no and walk away.

—

When I started living my life for me and being aware of the decisions I make, it felt like a suffocating grip on me was released.

I stepped off the tightrope of people-pleasing. Filled with irregular sounds of my heartbeat, waiting to see if I've made the favored decision. Teetering off each side when I wanted to say no, but not being brave enough to let anyone know.

Onto a wide road of luck, love, and peace. Filled with the sounds of a steady heartbeat, waiting for nothing, because everything I need is in the direction I'm walking. And I know that whatever needs to come to me will in its own time.

My heart is steady because I know that even when I mess up, I'll be okay. Because mistakes are a part of growth. My road is wide with understanding and gives me room for error.

Because it knows that sometimes, in order to determine what is right, you need to know wrong first.

So I do my best to keep myself in check. I choose honesty over lies, so I have no reason to hide. My decisions are my own, and only from that can I see how much I've grown.

And don't get me wrong, the tightrope calls my name often. I look at it, and sometimes I even step toward it because of the outward praise. I think I can balance it all. But I remember that it means nothing if I'm the only one who falls.

So I say no.