Trust The Process

About a week ago, I made a decision for myself. I dropped out of university. It was nice to be back in that world, talking to other students about our majors and swapping language barrier horror stories about our teachers.

My routine was school, Jiu Jitsu, gym, eat, sleep, repeat. However, school began to feel heavy – the workload, the expenses – and I felt like I was wasting time. So, I trusted my gut and did what felt right to me.

It was nerve-wracking because I was removing myself from a routine essentially designed for me. But now, I have to trust myself to keep moving. The only thing I have to rely on is me. So far, it has been amazing.

The week I dropped out, I started receiving more calls for work as a background actor in movies, shows, and more, and it has been so much fun. Being surrounded by cameras, actors, music, and dance is incredibly exciting for me. I've formed instant connections with some amazing people.

But when I'm off set, and the curtains close, I'm left alone with a deafening silence so loud that I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I wonder where I stand in this vast world, surrounded by success and stress, death and taxes, and the mess of lessons I'll learn, no matter which direction I choose to step towards.

I know that I have enough time, but also, no time at all. So right before the curtains open, and the spotlight blinds me, I remember to just be. I appreciate how far I've come because, in the process of progress, reflection is often forgotten.

Truthfully, I feel like a new chapter in my life is starting, but so many things are being written differently. This chapter is quiet, with few lines, but it's new, building off every word written before it. With every splotch of ink that lands on the page, I can feel my finger curling the paper, itching to see what happens next."