Who Am I?

"Who are you? Tell us more about yourself."

Those questions are usually exceptionally difficult to answer. Is it because I don't know myself?

Partially.

With every situation and challenge, I adjust myself to fit through the cracks to make it to the other side. I become who I need to be to pass the test. I'm mouldable. I shift.

I do this because I'm not yet grounded within myself. I nod and lay down when the storm clouds of "Let me tell you who you are" pass over.

And when the raindrops of opinion and perception fall upon me, I stare at my dampened skin and reflect on the choices that brought me here, with no umbrella. No defence.

I don't ignore the words that are said, but I don’t challenge them. I let the water soak into my skin. I internalize. I spiral. I stay silent.

But in the silence, my ears ring with questions: “What did I do to make them feel that way?" ”How long was this storm brewing?” “Were these raindrops truly meant for me? Or did I happen to get mixed up in a raging storm that had been active long before me?”

So when the storm is over and the water begins to dry, words begin to form.

The woman who is not yet grounded turned into a sponge, to catch the wet words of the storm, so that it would pass by and she could go unnoticed.

I've not yet reached the point of “this is who I am, but I miss things that other people can see. If they come to me with a problem, I compare who I am and who I seem to be.

If they are the same, I ask myself, what has brought out this side of me? How can I adjust my feelings to create a better balance in my relationships? If they are separate, I clarify anything lost in translation."

Understand that people can get the wrong ideas when things aren't clear. It’s difficult for words to express feelings and emotions.

Sometimes feelings are so strong, no words can describe them.

When someone asks me, "Who are you?" I hesitate because I'm questioning the same thing. But with every storm that passes, I learn that it's okay to catch some rain, but not too much to catch a cold.

Be accountable, but defend yourself, because no one understands you better than you. Even when you feel you don't know who you are, it will always come back. Because it all starts with you.