It's Okay

It's okay to be angry.

It's okay to feel rage.

It's okay to be stubborn.

It's okay to feel pain.

It's okay to be sad.

It's okay to be reluctant.

It's okay to withdraw.

But it's okay to say "I'm sorry".

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to forgive.

It's okay to feel joy.

It's okay to trust.

It's okay to open your doors again.

It's okay to mend what was broken.

It's okay to heal. 

It's okay to process your emotions. To acknowledge what you're feeling and going through. If you don't, you create a pit of buried emotions. But someday that pit will fill up and everything will spill out. 

So if you feel angry, think about why you feel that way. Was it something you did? Something someone else did? Did they mean it? Why does it hurt your feelings? Is your anger a defence mechanism? Do you secretly agree with them? There are infinite possibilities, but figure out what sparked your anger so you can put out the flame. 

If you're being stubborn, avoidant. Think about why you're isolating yourself. What have you or someone else done that you need to hide? What are you holding onto? Are you hiding because it's easier than facing your problems? Are you scared? Think about who your stubbornness is affecting more. You or them?

It's okay to hurt, to feel pain. It does not make you weak. Feeling pain means we're strong enough to face what can destroy us, and acknowledging it helps us persevere through it. Do not shy away. There is no shame in hurting. Pain sheds us to our rawest layer, and through everything superficial, we understand what truly matters. 

"Im sorry." Those two words are sometimes all someone hurt needs to forgive. Only if you mean it, not because you want them to hear you say it. When you acknowledge that you're wrong and take accountability for it, it shows that you care for that person, and that you're aware you’ve made a mistake and regret your decisions. But your apology only matters if you uphold what you’ve said. If you do the same thing again, you’re not sorry. You’re choosing to do it again. 

Crying. It is so important. Whether the tears silently slip down your face or you’re shaking as they fall into your palms, crying helps decompress bottled up feelings. Maybe you were trying to be tough or nonchalant in front of people. Which is okay, because it’s important to be there for others. But eventually it’s your turn to be held, to cry in someones arms. You deserve to release your feelings as much as the next person. If you’re afraid to cry in fear of seeming fragile, think to yourself why you must act so tough. Vulnerability is terrifying as much as it is inevitable.

It’s okay to forgive. Although you may not want to, sometimes it’s best to let go. Especially if someone isn’t trying to mend what was broken, due to lack of care, being buried in their guilt, etc. Forgive them and let yourself free of the feelings you hold toward them.

As you forgive others, forgive yourself too. This might be harder because we tend to give ourselves less grace and replay what we’ve done over and over again (or I do anyway). But no matter how long it takes, come to terms of what you've done and forgive.

It’s okay to be happy, to feel joy. Even after a period of being sad for a while. It’s okay to piece yourself back together through laughter and love. It’s okay to do things that make you happy. To take care of yourself again. It may not happen all at once, but don't feel guilty when you bring the light back to put out the dark. You deserve to smile again. You deserve to be whole after being broken, because sadness does not last forever. It only comes when you need it most, and It's up to you to wish it farewell.

Trust… When broken, a wall raises. Even after years of breaking it down, brick by brick, ruin that bond and up it goes. Within your walls you question how this could happen. Was it a mistake or was it on purpose? Was it done to hurt you? Or was it selfishness? When you find the answer to your questions, it's up to you to decide if the relationship is worth rebuilding your trust. You don’t have to break the wall down in one swing. You can remove each brick at your own pace, gradually trusting while still guarding yourself. It’s okay to trust someone again, as long as you trust yourself enough to not get hurt again.

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To heal is to feel. It’s not letting people walk all over you, but it’s not stewing in anger until you’re filled with regret. You have to feel both sides of the scale, the good and the bad. Through that process you will come to understand yourself and the people around you better; and only then will you find balance.

You will find balance... eventually.